The diagram of health in and out of balance haunts me (see blog entry “Out of Balance”). The misaligned wedges seem to be a metaphor for my eclectic life. During my childhood, my mother’s perpetual quest was that I should not grow up to be like her – in want of a self-defining career. She encouraged me to explore, to try many different things, and I followed her lead.
Her efforts however were to no avail. When grownups asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I responded with no hesitation, “A nothing, just like Mommy.” She was funny, creative, generous. I didn’t care that she wasn’t a “Something.” Secretly, I had my own ideas about the perfect career.
The circus did not sweep me up. Though not a believer in such things, I have felt condemned since first reading my astrological chart: Cancer: Born between June 22 and July 22; creative, nurturing, indecisive. I have changed my focus too frequently to feel accomplished in any one area . Did this inability to set long term goals ultimately lead to frustration and stress, and stress to cancer?
If I had exercised singleness of purpose, would I have fought off the disease? One thing is certain. Getting a cancer diagnosis focuses all one’s energies.